I am dying.
Matilda Ledger, you win today. Even if you’re wearing flip-flops. We’ll talk.
My life is over.
Katie — or, as she would like to be called now, “Mz. Holmes” — has tasted power and apparently enjoys it. During this Macbethian phase of dictatorship, she has decided to sign me up for … wait for it … school.
If I made a list of everything I hated, I would put germs, children’s literature, and being with others right near the top. Oh, and sharing and being told what to wear. School is just really not for me.
I’m trying, as I always do, to look on the bright side, and remember that great women in history wore school uniforms. Rory Gilmore, Blair Waldorf, and a post-makeover Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries all managed to not look hideous in school-mandated outfits. (At least on the outside — Anne Hathaway is a vicious troll at heart.)
This is a photo of Johnny Depp’s partner, Vanessa, and his daughter, Lily-Rose.
She is twelve.
I’m imagining Julia Roberts’s character from Pretty Woman and Sandy from the end of Grease (you know, the leather pants one) shopping together, and both of them pass this outfit over as inappropriate, particularly for a January day. It seems more like something Lindsay Lohan would wear to a summer picnic. And by picnic, I mean jail.
Cindy Crawford’s ten-year-old daughter, Kaia not-Crawford, is the first face of Young Versace, a children’s line from the famous brand.
This outfit is age-appropriate, fun, and very fashion-forward. Kaia in this outfit is the perfect mix of edgy and soft, and this would be fashion…
I feel like my life would be less stressful if I could just understand Coco Arquette. It’s not so much that the dress is bad (although people need to learn that sparkle does not improve upon a shapeless silhouette), but rather that she desperately needs a lesson in hair and accessories.
Another day, another photograph of Louis Bullock owning preschool. My only qualm is that his name is written in black Sharpie on his lunch box, as if he is some middle class school child and not The Louis Bullock. Either get your things monogrammed or just expect that people know who you are.
Louis Bullock and a scarf. That is all.
As if there could possibly be any other outcome.
Thanks, Us Weekly! Although I guess I should consider retiring this coat now, knowing that two of my least-favorites also own it. Coats are for quitters anyway.
Angelina Jolie, lying again.
“I used to be the tougher parent, but since the birth of the twins, Brad’s had to play bad cop more often,” she said.
Please. Everyone knows who the mean one is. If Angelina Jolie was around, Pol Pot would be the good cop.
She also says, “I think I’m a little…
So I guess when I suggested that Angelina Jolie is a modern-day Maleficent, I must have subconsciously known that she had already signed on to play the evil queen in films. I certainly don’t pay that much conscious attention to her film choices.
Angelina’s Maleficent movie starts filming in June, and she is ready to go.
“I’m having a lot of fun. I’ve already got my horns fitted. My kids are very happy.”
I just assumed she’s had the horns for years, hand-crafted from the bones of former suitors and their jilted wives. Also, I find it hilarious that her children are excited to see their mother as a witch. They’re probably just proud that she’s finally found a role she’s so well-suited for.